With
World Cup fever in full swing, many in the United States are becoming immersed
in soccer for the first time. However, with the World Cup drawing to an end,
the interest in soccer, specifically Major League Soccer, is also starting to
cool. Major League Soccer (MLS) has always faced an uphill climb in the United
States. While the average attendance of MLS games ranked third behind the National
Football League and Major League Baseball, the total attendance of MLS games
paled in comparison to the National Basketball League and the National Hockey
League. As such, MLS gets very little national attention. I can count on one
hand how many times I have seen SportsCenter give MLS more than a passing
glance in their national run-down. I
cannot say I blame them: More people want to know what LeBron James ate for
breakfast this morning than how the New York Red Bulls did last night in their
clash against the Columbus Crew. It is a simple case of supply and demand, and
there is simply no supply.
Before
I really get into this, I just want to make one thing clear: This article is
not about how more Americans need to support MLS. This is not about proving
wrong the idea that MLS is “watered down” soccer. This is about something
special happening in MLS, specifically in Salt Lake. This is about an
American-born playmaker turning down the likes of Arsenal to sign with an MLS
team. This is about a midfielder being technically gifted with absurd
potential. This is about Luis Gil.
If you
haven’t heard of Luis Gil, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. He plays
in a small market in MLS, a death sentence for national name exposure. Pop in
his tape, however, and you can see why Gil has so many National team officials
drooling over his game. Gil is a creative and dynamic playmaker who plays as a
classic number 10. Gil can make every pass and has the ability to slice up any
defense with his excellent vision. While not a speedster like Deandre Yedlin,
he has speed to burn which allows him to be a deadly counterattacking weapon. While
not a goal scorer, he has shown an impressive ability to score when needed, as
he netted five goals last year for Real Salt Lake. His shot is like a rocket
coming off his right foot. While he is a bit on the shorter side at 5 foot 9' (as compared to the average midfielder size of 5 foot 10’ ½), he simply looks
the part of a star midfielder and has the brains and skills to back it up. He
is a complete offensive package, a 5 foot 9 dynamo donning Claret and Cobalt.
So, by
now, I am sure you are wondering why Luis Gil was not on the plane to Brazil
helping the United States scratch and claw out of the Group of Death. Well, for
starters, Gil is still young and incredibly raw. At the tender age of 20, Gil
is not even legally old enough to purchase an alcoholic beverage. While youth
and raw ability can still prove successful on the world stage (see Yedlin,
Deandre and Green, Julian), putting too much on a player too fast can stifle a
player’s growth (see Adu, Freddie). The small market of Salt Lake City and his
former coach Jason Kreis have largely shielded Gil from national hype. To be
exposed so quickly to such large amounts of pressure could be a shock to the
system from which a young player like Gil never recovers. In addition, Gil is
still developing his game to become a complete midfielder. Coming up in the
youth system, Gil was told to attack, attack, attack. However, on the world
stage, such an attitude is simply not feasible. He needs to be able to drop
back and defend when needed so that he can spearhead deadly counterattacks. In
short, Gil is young. Really young. And youth needs to develop before it can be
properly unleashed. In Brazil, the United States National
Team put Michael Bradley, a holding midfielder at his best going box-to-box, in
this playmaking role and he struggled mightily. I have the utmost belief that
Russia 2018 will see a different attacking midfielder crack the starting XI, one
that will make Bradley’s struggles a thing of the past. He will take the national
scene by storm and he is the next big thing in world soccer. So, go ahead and
jump on the bandwagon now. I promise it will be worth it. We have a star among
us. His name is Luis Gil. We just don’t know about him. Yet.
Yesterday, news broke that LeBron James intends on returning to Cleveland to play for the Cavaliers; the Prodigal Son has returned to his father's house. Of course, we also got to see the interim, and saw that the father actually burned all his memorabilia of the son and publicly stuck out his middle finger at him for his disgusting betrayal. But really, it's the beginning and ending that are important.
This heartwarming news (depending on who you are--but really it should be heartwarming to everyone with a heart), combined with the news that Kevin Love is "intrigued" by the prospect of joining James on the Cavs, likely brings Cleveland sports fans an emotion they're very unfamiliar with: joy. James instantly turns the Cavs from a team desperate for an 8 seed in the pathetic East into a legitimate title contender: 4-1 favorites in Vegas, over the 5-1 Spurs and the 6-1 Thunder.
Amazingly, that's not all a Cleveland fan has to be optimistic about. The Browns have been a team that just seems on the cusp of putting it all together for the past couple of years, and by fleecing the Colts in the Trent Richardson trade in the middle of the 2013 campaign, they got themselves the draft picks they needed to get help in the secondary (CB Justin Gilbert, Oklahoma State with the 8th pick) and, of course, a potential franchise QB in Johnny Manziel. With the Steelers and Ravens crumbling around them, and a very limited group of teams with even wild-card potential, the Browns have not had a door to the playoffs this wide open in a long time.
Unfortunately, we all have to keep in mind the one unshakeable truth about Cleveland sports: God hates them. God hates them with a passion so evident and far-reaching that we have no choice but to turn it into a punchline simply to cope with it. James' return and the drafting of Manziel are great gifts, but let's take a page out of the book of wisdom that is South Park:
Usually I'd say Chef's theology is pretty shaky here, but when it comes to Cleveland, all bets are very much off: it's not impossible that all of this is just God teasing Cleveland, just so he can take it all away. With that in mind, here's how the next twelve months of sports in the Cleve will turn out:
July 2014
Shortly following the jubilation surrounding James' decision to return, the Timberwolves reach an apparently-lopsided agreement with the Cavs, sending Love to Cleveland in exchange for a protected first-round pick in 2026, a tote bag from the Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame, the cash in Dan Gilbert's wallet (a lone $10 bill), and Anthony Bennett. Adam Silver allows the trade despite pressure to veto, only because he wants to see Gilbert's face of disgust when he has to reach into his wallet for the money only to give it to Flip Saunders. The Cavaliers' title odds increase to 2.5-1.
Inspired by the news, outfielder and lone Indians All-Star representative Michael Brantley goes 6-for-6, including a 490-foot home run off of Clayton Kershaw, carrying the American League to a dominant 11-3 win. Derek Jeter, leaving in the 5th inning having gone 1-for-2 with a walk and an error, is named the MVP.
Immediately following the All-Star break, Joe Maddon and the Rays' management begins to lose its collective mind as they drop their first three games to the Twins in Minnesota. Out of nowhere, they shop David Price, and end up trading him to the Indians to, according to Maddon "make the other wild card teams earn their damn spots." When asked about how he feels about the trade, Price says, "Well, with all the news that's been circulating this month, it's clear the Cleve is the best place to be." His words reverberate throughout all of Ohio, finding their way onto every sports page. He and Corey Kluber are an unexpected one-two punch in a pitching staff that was in the bottom 5 of nearly every category.
In the midst of the celebration, Roger Goodell suspends Josh Gordon for the entire season and forces him to write a 5,000 word essay reflecting on the people besides himself harmed by his habits, but no one notices.
August 2014
After a disappointing week of camp for Johnny Manziel full of sacks, he finally hears that Gordon has been suspended. Manziel, having a less-than-functional phone, never received the information, and so took countless sacks while looking for an open Gordon, since he figured Gordon would be his number-one option. When told of the reasons for his suspension, Manziel's reply of "Really? For that?" triggers old concerns about his character which permeate the camp.
Meanwhile, the Indians are riding an incredible win streak. Their offense (currently 6th in runs scored and 10th in OPS) remains unsexy but consistent. Newcomer David Price throws his hat into the Cy Young and even MVP discussion, boasting a 2.10 ERA and a sub-1.00 WHIP in the second half. They pass the Yankees, White Sox, Mariners, and Orioles with ease en route to the 2nd spot for the wild card, behind the Angels. Terry Francona is lauded as one of the best managers in the game. Every day the Indians are not playing, Francona picks a street corner in Boston on which to stand and remind everyone they fired his ass for Bobby Valentine.
The Browns begin their preseason games. Manziel arrives at least two hours late to each one. For the first three, he comes prepared with different poorly-photoshopped pictures of himself with Candice Swanepoel at a party to show to head coach Mike Pettine, explaining that he had a conflict the previous night that "hung over" into game day, "if you know what I mean, chief." For the fourth and final preseason game, he arrives midway through the second quarter with a filming crew and runs straight on to the field during a play. Manziel explains to the refs that he's shooting a commercial as part of his Nike endorsement deal, and wants actual game footage to go with it. He gives each ref a satchel of money with a big dollar sign printed on it and runs to the line of scrimmage to run a play. Taking the snap, he immediately steps back and launches a pass forty yards in the air to no one, then jogs to the camera and yells, "Just do it, bitch!" He proudly declares the shoot a wrap and exits the stadium via helicopter, piloted by Candice Swanepoel.
September 2014
The month starts off poorly as Mike Pettine declares Brian Hoyer the starting QB, telling the media through gritted teeth that Manziel can learn behind him. The decision is not well-received by the Cleveland public, but many are still caught up in the whirlwind of the Indians' second half play. They still trail the Tigers in the AL Central, but have surpassed the Angels for the top wild-card spot. Neither team ever leads the other in the wild-card standings by more than 3 games, so the entire city of Cleveland along with the country is on the edge of its seat, waiting to see what happens. Incredibly, the entire offense enters a massive slump at the same time. Over their final 13 games (4 in Houston, 3 each against Minnesota, Kansas City, and Tampa Bay), the Indians score 9 runs and hit .198 as a team, going 2-11 in the process and ceding the second wild-card spot to their division rival Royals. In the final game of the season, in Tampa Bay, the three prospects Cleveland sent in the Price trade combine for a 10-of-12 hitting night off of Price himself. Francona is called into a meeting with owner Lawrence Dolan's office and immediately breaks down and weeps when he sees Bobby Valentine waiting in the chair next to Dolan, cackling. Francona is fired.
In the home opener against the Saints, the crowd chants "Johnny Football" following a Hoyer incompletion on 1st and 10. The pressure builds throughout the game, and the Saints' mounting lead only serves to intensify the crowd's demands. Towards the end of the third quarter, Pettine finally makes the switch to Manziel. After two near-interceptions and three delays of game, Manziel completes a third-down 4-yard pass to Jordan Cameron, who takes it 68 yards for a score. The crowd restarts its "Johnny Football" chant as Manziel does his signature "money" celebration and is flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.
Kevin Love exits the Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame, thinking about all the things he could have done instead that day.
October 2014
The Cavaliers' preseason begins, and it's just as good as everyone hoped. Kyrie-James and Kyrie-Love pick-and-rolls are unstoppable. Subsequently, the first quarter of every Cavs preseason game becomes must-see television. The Walking Dead makes its anticipated return, but it is unluckily scheduled at the same time as a Cavs game. The show's viewership reaches an all-time low. Dan Gilbert posts a Comic Sans open letter once again declaring that the Cavs will win a championship before the Heat. Incensed, Pat Riley urges Erik Spoelstra to work his players even harder. Dwyane Wade, having aged fifteen years in the offseason, very clearly struggles to keep up with the pace, and is deemed a "role player" by nearly every Miami media outlet.
The Browns plow through a relatively soft month of games, going 4-0 against the Titans, Steelers, Jaguars, and Raiders, improving to 5-2 with losses to the Steelers in Pittsburgh and the Saints. Having already improved on last year's 4-12 record, offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan is hailed as a genius and Manziel is the best thing to happen to the city since LeBron. By the end of the month, Manziel's jersey is already the best-selling jersey in Browns history.
Bobby Valentine is hired as the Indians' manager, assuring that things will be different this time.
November 2014
The Browns' success train loses steam as they trudge through a 2-3 month that sees seven interceptions and four Manziel fumbles, each a result of his attempt at the Heisman pose while running downfield. Victories against the lowly Bucs and Bills keep them atop the division, tied with the Ravens but possessing the head-to-head tiebreaker. Nonetheless, in response to the rough month, Manziel demands the team pursue wide receivers in free agency. Following the win on November 30th against the Bills, Manziel refuses to play in the next game against the Colts unless the team finds him a number-one option besides tight end Cameron, who is, according to Manziel, "really a bore."
Meanwhile, the Cavs open their season 15-1, the one loss coming against the Bulls in Chicago by four points. In the team's first game against the Heat in Miami, both James and Love register triple-doubles in an absolute dismantling of the Heat. Chris Bosh leads the Heat with 11 points, and Michael Beasley is the only Heat player to touch the ball inbounds in the entire fourth quarter. The entire night is very confusing for everyone, as the Heat fans don't realize that they're not supposed to cheer when LeBron scores anymore.
December 2014
In the week before Game 13 against the Colts, the Browns sign free agent WR Terrell Owens, who was really the only pass catcher in free agency who met Manziel's "star power" requirement. The defensive line for every Browns opponent throughout the month reports hearing Manziel saying "where's T-O, where's T-O" to himself before taking a sack. Despite the troubles behind the line, Manziel averages 200 yards rushing and 200 yards passing per game. He leads the Browns to an 8-7 record going into their final regular season game against the Ravens, the winner of which goes to the playoffs as the second wild-card team. The game is flexed to Sunday Night Football, where the entire nation watches as the Ravens win a real nail-biter by a score of 42-3. In the fourth quarter, with the game well out of hand, Pettine subs Brian Hoyer in for Manziel, the latter leaving to cheers despite having thrown four interceptions. Hoyer finishes the game on a field-goal drive (Cleveland's only points) in which he gains 40 yards in the air on 3-of-4 passing. On his way to the bench, Manziel slaps Hoyer in the back, telling him "oh well, you'll get 'em next time." Terrell Owens disappears into a cornfield in Iowa.
The Cavaliers, now the Cleve's only hope of making the playoffs in the first year post-post-LeBron, are still rolling at 25-3, each loss coming by five points or less. Andrew Wiggins is earning his title as the first overall draft pick and his spot on the team, averaging a double-double per game. The starting five of Irving-Wiggins-James-Love-Varejao is the most efficient group of players in the league on offense. Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless debate whether a dynasty is on the horizon. ESPN shoots a "This is SportsCenter" commercial with Wiggins in full cavalier regalia, wielding a sword and all, dueling a frightened Scott Van Pelt. In short, there has been no better time to be a Cavs fan.
January 2015
At a New Years' Party, Manziel is reported to have asked to anyone who would listen "what the frack is a 'brown' anyway? The only thing I can think of that's brown is my shit! And chocolate. And that guy's shirt, and some desks? Oh, and a football! Johnny Football's here, biznitch-ass-douches!" The video (because someone's got a video going any time Manziel's around) goes viral as the Cleveland population turns against Manziel. Candice Swanepoel goes into witness protection. Manziel is traded to the Jets for three draft picks, because the Browns don't know how to do anything except rebuild.
In a historic NBA moment, each of the Cavs starters receives the most votes for the All-Star Game starting positions, highlighting the fans' demand to see the team play more often. Every Cavs game for the rest of the year is flexed on to a national network. When this news breaks, NBATV and NBA League Pass subscriptions drop 50%, and ESPN sets Super Bowl-level prices for commercials during the games.
February 2015
The East All-Stars (whom the stadium announcer accidentally calls the Cavaliers) demolish the West in the All-Star Game. Every time a Cleveland player is subbed out, boos and hisses rain from the rafters. Immediately following the All-Star break, ESPN debuts the CavHaven, your network for all things Cavaliers, with subscriptions available for $200 a month. Despite the unusually high price, an estimated 50 million households purchase the package. Its programming consists solely of Cavs games, replays of Cavs games, the episode of First Take previously mentioned, and Star Wars-style scrolling through James' letter of intent to return to the Cavs, put to the song "I'm Coming Home."
March 2015
The Cavs keep winning, blah blah blah.
April 2015
The Indians' season has started, and thankfully everyone is too hyped up on the Cavs to notice that they start 4-15. New manager Bobby Valentine cites clubhouse chemistry issues.
The NBA playoffs begin midway through the month, with the Cavs having clinched the top seed in the playoffs long ago. Their first series, interestingly enough, is against the Heat, who fought into the playoffs with a .500 record. The series itself is a story rich in potential, but Cleveland is simply too good to bring an entertainment factor equal to that potential. The Cavs win in three. Not because the league shifts to a best-of-5 first round, but because the NBA decides it has a moral obligation to not inflict the human beings on the Heat and the human beings who root for them (the few that are left) any more pain than is necessary. Pat Riley forlornly deletes the draft of a Comic Sans letter he considered posting on Miami's website.
May 2015
The Cavs' second round opponent is the 4-seed Pacers. In all four press conferences, some member of the Pacers tells the media something along the lines of "we couldn't beat him when the rest of his team sucked, how are we supposed to beat him now?" In the final game of the series, the Cavs beat up on a hopeless Indy team, 113-46. Lance Stephenson scores 44 points for the Pacers, the other two coming on a lazy Hibbert putback of a Stephenson miss.
In the Eastern Conference Finals, the Bulls put up the best fight we've seen all season against the Cavs. For some stretches, Derrick Rose appears to be the best player on the court, and Pau Gasol plays with a vigor never seen throughout his career. Joakim Noah is a beast in the paint for Chicago, grabbing nearly 10 rebounds a game and preventing easy points in the paint on defense. The Cavs win in five.
On their way into the locker room, the Cavs are taken aback by the old booing crone from Princess Bride, who emerges from the crowd and reminds them that they still play for Cleveland, and that none of this is meant to last.
Bow down to the city of slime! The city of filth!
June 2015
The Cavs meet their Finals opponents, the Minnesota Timberwolves, emerging from the depths of the Western Conference and defeating both the Thunder and the Spurs in the playoffs. Their miracle season, lost in the Cavs hype, was due in large part to career years from Rubio, Martin, and Pekovic, but most importantly from recently-acquired asset Anthony Bennett (remember him?) from the Love trade. The higher latitudes of Minnesota were all Bennett needed to unlock his full potential, averaging 19 points, 9 rebounds, and a ridonkulous 4 blocks per game.
To the horror of Ohio and the rest of the nation, the series goes to a Game 7 in Cleveland. In the biggest underdog story since the American Revolution, the T-Wolves off LeBron's Cavs behind a quadruple-double by Anthony Bennett, only the 5th such occurrence in NBA history, and win the title. One of Bennett's 12 blocks comes on James' potential game-tying jumper as time expires. The game will be heralded as one of the best basketball games ever played, but everyone is far too broken up about the result to recognize it immediately. Afterwards, James sits for a press conference only to announce his continued devotion to the team, wipe a tear away, and leave. Love, on the other hand, realizes that the move from Minnesota to Cleveland was, quality-wise, a pretty lateral move, and signs with the Miami Heat the very day he becomes a free agent. The same day, Jesus Christ descends from the clouds and appears in Cleveland. He declares to the masses, "This isn't the Second Coming, just wanted to tell you guys you've officially been punked!" Jesus doubles over guffawing, pointing to the wound in his side to show everyone that "he was actually splitting his sides laughing." The laughter continues as he ascends back up to heaven. James instantly opts out of his 2-year contract and signs with the Heat.
